How your relationship changes when you have kids

When you’re curled up together on the sofa, with your partners hand on your bump, you might say things like “We won’t change.” “We’ll stay the same, won’t we.” “The baby will just fit into our life.”

In my experience, things change.

But, it’s not always a bad thing.

Here are a few ways your relationship changes when you have kids, based on my experience.

You’ll be competitive

Who’s had more time for themselves. Who’s done more washing up. Who changed the most nappies. Who’s too busy at work to do pick up. But mainly, who got the least sleep. It’s like a constant game of top trumps. If you’re competitive, pull up those socks because the game is about to begin.

You’ll see a new side to them

You might see a more sensitive side, a playful side, a funny side, a strict side even.

You’ll hear their parents, and your own in what you say

We all do it. Well me and Matt do. Hopefully you like your in-laws because the parenting style they went for is likely to show up, even in small ways.

You won’t go on so many dates

And that’s okay. When you’ve got young kids you’re in the thick of it. They depend on you so much. But the time will come again. You can still have dates, but they might not be a night out for dinner, drinks and then a kebab on the way home.

It might be a day time walk while a babysitter looks after the kids, or a takeaway when the kids are in bed. You still need to find ways to be together, but it might not be playing games in the local pub, for now anyway. (Have a look at my blog on walks in Oxfordshire if you need some inspiration.

Me and Matt often get a sitter and go for a walk and a picnic. Then we’ve not spent money on a sitter and a meal (this makes date night pretty expensive!)

You’ll ask if you can have a shower

And other questions that you’d never have even thought about needing to ask before kids.

“Can I go to the shop quick?”

“Do you mind if I have a shower?”

It dawned on me today that I ask for permission to do these things and I really don’t need to. Matt would never expect me to ask and I wouldn’t expect him to, but we still do it.

Relationships after having a baby

Some days you’ll feel like you just exist to do the practical things. Sort lunches, cook, pack school bags, walk the dog, wash up, tidy up. It’s easy to forget to even say good morning sometimes!

Here are my quick tips for keeping connected even when you’re in the trenches of newborn life or juggling two or three or even more kids.

• Book time in together at least once a month
• Have a dinner together when the kids are in bed once a week
• Have a date night at home
• Book a sitter and go for a walk or a picnic
• Have the occasional time where you spend the whole day together if you can!
• Take lunch breaks together if you WFH or close by
• Put your phone away in another room in the evenings
• Try and do something you used to love doing together (for me and Matt it’s going on huge hikes and eating pizza!)

How has your relationship changed since having a baby?