Things to do when you have no patience with kids

When it comes to the girls, I think I have a good amount of patience. Of course,I can’t wait in a queue at the post office. In traffic. Or for Matt to get his shoes on so we can go. I’m only human.

Today, I didn’t feel patient.

And it was a day I have the girls all to myself. No nursery, no forest school. Just me and them.

According to Mindtools, impatience is rooted in frustration. “It’s a feeling of rising stress that starts when you feel that your needs and wishes are being ignored.”

Don’t I know it.

I guess when you’ve asked someone to put a nappy on for 60 minutes, had your hair pulled, and been used as a human climbing frame, patience is likely to be wearing a little thin.

I also decided to take both girls on their scooters to the shop which is about a 2k round trip. We made it near to the park and I ducked out of the walk/scoot. The road was far too stressful.

So that’s how I started my day. Feeling stressed. Feeling ignored. And then when I got home my coat got stuck on the door handle.

Honestly, why does that only happen when I’m in a mood?!

My day today got me thinking about being more patient with kids. And some tools I could use next time I feel like this.

After a stressful morning we came home and had lunch, watched some TV, played hairdressers. We went out again in the afternoon to the park and everything felt much better! Without realising I had used some of these tools. Hopefully you’ll find them useful too.

Things to do when you have no patience with kids

Give yourself a minute, or five

Screens can be a Godsend when you are having a day when you just feel like you’ve got a short fuse. Give your kids a timeslot to watch TV while you stand in another room. In the room you could look at your phone (unless this is the source of the stress), read, cook, drink a coffee, or just stare at a wall. Whatever you do, treat yourself to a time out.

Try to see it from their eyes

Kids are just running around being kids. They’re easily distracted, they’re excited by the smallest things — a little like puppies. Try to slow down if you can. See the world as they see it. It’s very unlikely that they’re intentionally ignoring you, they’ve just found something else more interesting to discover.

Set low expectations

If you’re having a day when you feel like you might snap at any moment, cancel big plans. Keep things simple. Go to the local park, play in the garden, go for a really slow walk. Try not to be tied to times if you can. Obviously if you have to be at school for 845, this might be trickier… I’m not quite there yet. Wish me luck.

Manage your stress

Today was a prime example. I was feeling stressed. The road and the scooters. Big life decisions on the horizon. Make time to manage your stress. Whether it’s deep breathing, exercising, or having a day away from emails. Do what you need to do to bring your stress levels down.

Play with them

Walking around the park, coffee in hand, playing hide and seek was a highlight of my day today. It took my mind off everything. And I got to just be and play. Same when we were drawing. Find a quiet game (the floor is lava stresses me out a little too much as it always ends in tears). Drawing, colouring, arts and crafts, role play, cooking always bring my stress levels down and give me chance to connect with the girls.

Techniques to help improve your patience with kids

10 things you can smell, see, taste, touch or hear. Count on your fingers 10 things around you to connect you to the present.

Practice mindfulness. This is a skill that you can learn through workshops, YouTube and apps like Calm and Headspace. Practice each evening to strengthen your patience.

Understand your triggers. Uncover and understand what triggers you. Get to the source of the problem.

Get enough sleep. I know, hard if you have a little one getting up early. But if you can take a nap, go to bed early. Not great when that’s your only alone time but if it gives you a better day, it’s likely worth it.

Breathe. One of the things to do when you have no patience with kids is take a breath. Or 10. Take a few deep breaths, in through your nose, out through your mouth. Be loud about it too. If they’re feeling stressed, try to get them to join in. It’s incredible what you can do with the breath.

What I do when I lose my patience with my kids

Philippa Perry taught me in “The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read” to apologise. Repair the rupture. I’ll leave the physc to her, she’s great. I always say sorry, and explain why I was impatient or cross. Sometimes it’s because I was hungry. I hope one day they’ll mirror this when they go off at me on the way home from the park because they’ve not eaten in 20 minutes.

I also really recommend reading Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat. It teaches patience, kindness, forgiveness and understanding. I need more Mo in my life!

Both the above books are linked to WOB, a place to buy second hand books. Good for the planet!