How to stay calm putting kids to bed

Bedtime is hard.

I’ve either been working all day. Or spent my day doing 50 activities, walking miles around the park, cooking meals and endless snacks, wrestling people into car seats. I’m desperate to do something for me – or I have house jobs or work to do.

I’m not sure I’ll ever truly master not getting annoyed at bedtime every night. But tonight, was a good one and it inspired me to write this.

Through rocking Ida to sleep for 15 months, to having Martha pull out individual hairs from my head as a comfort, I’ve developed a few strategies.

But don’t get me wrong. I’m not perfect. I still feel the need to scream into a pillow on occasion. Matt’s recently punched his own hand so hard in frustration that he felt it for weeks.

So, are my strategies for staying calm putting kids to bed, and try to avoid mum rage.

(I’ll be reading this back to myself, I’m 100% sure on that.)

How to stay calm at kids bedtime

Listen to calming music

In 2021 I was in the top 10% of Enya listeners. I’m not sure what it is about Enya but I found her music so epic during tough bedtimes, and through labour actually.

You could even play relaxing music from a speaker, just avoid anything with adverts. They’re likely to fire up some rage.

Listen to an audio book or calm podcast

I lie with the girls to get them to sleep. This is a good time to listen to something with my headphones. I don’t want anything too cheery in my ears when I’m already feeling over stimulated. Slow Mo is excellent, so is the audio book Solve for Happy. It really reminded me to be present tonight.

Count 10 things around you

This was a tip from Mo Gawdat’s book. When you need to bring yourself back to the present (and away from the to do list, or from the frustration of kids not listening) count 10 things you can see, feel or smell. One for each finger. If the kids are still in full swing, get them to join you. It might even make them slow down for a minute.

Scream into a pillow

Before I was a parent, I’d never screamed into a pillow. Or the fridge. But here I am 4 years in having done it many times now. There’s something about the release that just helps. And it’s not directed at anyone, so no need to feel guilty for a week afterwards.

Have a snack

Everything’s harder when you’re hungry. Eat!

20 second hug

I’m not sure where I read or heard this, but a 20 second hug is meant to be like a reset button. We do this in our house now, and at bedtime it helps me feel a little calmer, and lets me connect with and show some love to the girls.

I try to change my attitude

If I go into bedtime feeling negative about it, or just wanting it over, it goes slower. If we play a few calm games and have a bath, it’s much smoother. I try to think positive. “I’m so lucky to be lying here with my girls.” I’ve laid in bed before trying to get both girls to sleep and thought how I’d been in the exact position wishing their existence. Crying because I thought I’d never have them. Unable to get out of bed when I was sure I was loosing another. I’m very lucky, and sometimes I need to pinch myself to remember that.

I read

I love to read when I’m getting Martha to sleep. She likes to play with my hair (or pull it out if she’s in full knob mode) so I lie next to her and read my book. When I’ve put Ida to sleep (Matt usually sorts her out) she asks me to read my book to her. I always try to do a real Mrs Honey Bee voice here!

Mrs Honey Bee

Look on Spotify for Mrs Honey Bee stories. They’re lovely little stories in a very calming voice. They calm me down anyway! Sort of like a Headspace sleep story.

There are my strategies for keeping calm at kids bedtimes.

After a quick research, it looks like I’m not the only one who feels frustrated. But when you’re gritting your teeth desperate for some time on your own DOWNSTAIRS, you feel like it’s just you. That everyone else has these perfect kids who just roll over and sleep. But you’re not alone. You’ve got at least me who feels your pain.

Take a breath and have a snack.

If all else fails, shut yourself in the bathroom for a minute.