Things my final baby has taught me

I’ve had a few friends have their first babies recently. It’s got me thinking about what I’ve learned over three babies in five years. I’d never like to preach, I think it’s good we work things out and find our own groove, but there are things I know now, that I’d have liked to understand first time around…

Everything is temporary.

Brianna Wiest says “Everything is temporary, even the best of it.” This is so true. When you’re in the thick of sleepless nights, a bout of sickness that goes through the whole house, a sleep regression, it’s hell. But find solace in the fact it’s temporary. The good stuff is temporary, too. Enjoy it.

Don’t stress about bottles or dummies if they refuse them.

I spent so much money on different teats, wasted time on new feeding positions. With my third I got him drinking out of a straw cup at 5 months. I skipped the bottle entirely this time. If you have that luxury, take it.

They change so fast, but you don’t always notice it.

One minute they’re giving you a first smile, then they’re rolling over, then they’re pulling them selves up walking out to university. Okay maybe not that quick, but what I’m saying is you’ll spend so long making a future plan based on who they are and what they do in that moment. When they’re really little yes they feed all the time or nap on you and you feel like that’s all you’ll ever do, but then you look back and think, wow, when did that change?

There’s no point buying new clothes.

Get them second hand on Vinted, in charity shops, from friends. There’s too much in the world and you know the time you put them in fancy clothes is the time you get a poo explosion or spill curry on them while you feed and eat (always seems to be turmeric based dinners when he wants feeding)

Trust your instincts

As the parent, you know best. Having a baby seems to make people think their opinion on how you feed/dress/treat your baby MUST be heard. From my experience it’s the older generations who have different opinions. But that’s just because it’s what they were told when they had babies 30/40/60 years ago. In my nans era babies were encouraged to eat food at 4 months and breastfeeding beyond that time was odd. Go with your gut on everything. You were literally born to do this.

Sun gets out stains.

A follow on from the above. Don’t get chemical stain removers. The sun works like magic.

Slow down.

This is something I’m still not great at. I really have to work at it if I’m honest. But the other day my three year old said she didn’t want me to pick her up for a cuddle (she ALWAYS wants a cuddle). And it dawned on me that one day I’ll pick her up for the last time. Or she’ll touch my hair for the last time (she loves my hair, it’s her comfort.) I never pick my eldest up anymore. When did I last do it? When did I put her down for the last time? So I remind myself everyday to sit down with them, slow down with them. Look at the world like they do. It’s hard, the house is too small and always a mess and when I feel overstimulated sitting down is the last thing I want to do – this is why it’s something to work on. When I think back to some of the best days with my youngest, they are days when I sat on the sofa cuddling him while I watched The Holiday and ate chocolate. Or when he laughed while we were all dancing around the living room. These are the things I remember. Not how clean the floor was. I should get that as a tattoo, because I need an hourly reminder.

Eventually, they’ll sleep

I have really leaned into the night wakings this time around. While it’s tough, and I would love to watch back to back episodes of something again, I have a good book on the go that I can read in the night. This keeps me looking forward to wake ups, or at least OK about them. I also have early nights.

Accept help

If someone offers to have the kids for an hour, take it. Remember to fill up your cup, too. Whether that’s going to a cafe to read a book and drink a hot drink, or out for a run or walk, it’s important to get some space and do something you love.

You’re allowed to still be you

You had a life before you had a baby, and you will still be you when the baby is grown up and moved out. It’s so easy to get lost in those early weeks, months, and years of motherhood. I remember when I first had Ida I felt like everything I said to anyone related back to motherhood, or Ida. Now, third baby in, while I am a mum, I try not to let it be the only thing I am. I’m a writer, a runner, a spinner, someone who loves to cook and an aspiring gardener…

You don’t have to love every second of it

People always say, “enjoy the cuddles” but sometimes when you’ve been sat on the sofa for hours and are desperate just to get up and do the dishes or hoover, or get your self lunch, it can feel difficult. Then there are nights when you wish it to be the morning just so the night is over and you can start again. There will be illnesses. Tantrums. Teething. And times when you haven’t spoken to a single adult all day and the baby has been either asleep, feeding, or crying. It can be a lonely place.

You don’t have to go to every kids party

When it comes to party invite season, and if you have a partner, make a deal with them to take it in turns to go to the parties with the kid. Then when it’s not your turn, spend two hours looking after yourself. There’s no need for you both to be at a kids party.

Don’t be afraid to say no

There will be times you’re invited out, either alone or with the kids. If it doesn’t fit in with your life, doesn’t add to your life, or will cause you unnecessary stress — say no. The early years are tough. If you know keeping your baby/toddler/child out later than your usual routine, or a soft play party at 7pm, it’s okay to say no. Do what works for your family, that’s the priority.