Trundling through terrible twos or is it terrific twos?

I never really like the phrase, terrible twos, or threenager.

I think a parent with a love for alliteration and portmanteaus facing a challenging afternoon with a two year old thought it up.

Martha is two. And she’s full of opinions and ideas, but she’s not too full of language.

She’s started putting a few words together now and I mostly understand what she’s saying.

However, I don’t understand the specific YouTube video she’s describing. And she doesn’t understand that the thumbnail on the video isn’t going to be the exact thing on the show.

I hate YouTube.

We finally got Ida out of it recently. But Marfs has found a love for going on a bear hunt which unfortunately is only on YouTube. Bear Hunt is fine. It’s all the shit that comes on automatically afterwards that needs filtering. But maybe that’s another blog – What YouTube shows teach bad values… Hmmm there’s an idea.

Anyway. Back to two year olds.

I thought I’d write up a quick blog about things my two year old has done this week. And why my two year old seems to have a multi-personality.

Things my two year old has done this week

[And some of it’s just bloody cute.]

Sat on her Pepa Pig chair without a nappy on and did a massive wee.

Slapped Ida’s toastie out of her hand.

Pulled Ida’s hair and slapped her on the top of the head.

Accidentally bumped heads with me, then said “Sorry” and gave me a kiss.

Sat on my lap to eat my porridge and spat out all the seeds back into it.

Shouted something that sounded extremely offensive for about 5 minutes until I could work out what it was she meant. (What she meant was 100% innocent)

Weed all over Matt’s leg. I don’t thing she’s ready for potty training…

Wants to be able to touch the back of the drivers chair. Which is hard for me as I’m so far from the pedals.

I told her I was tired at bedtime so she put the covers on me and said, night night.

Demands who drives the car.

Tells you where sit when you’re eating dinner.

If you pretend to cry she kisses you.

Eats her food without cutlery then touches your clothes when you’re about to go to work.

She cares for her dollies.

Screamed at Matt to get out of his bed at night so she could have me (my hair) to herself.

Slid herself on her back through the entire shopping centre.

Said “Beast fall” over and over again to watch the bit where the Beast almost falls of the balcony on Beauty and the Beast.

Poured half a pot of lavender oil on her wrist then got cross because her thumb tastes weird.

Coughed in my face repeatedly throughout the night

What are the terrible twos?

Pampers define it as the following:

• Say no more
• Clingy one minute and then independent the next
• May show signs of aggression with other children
• Becomes frustrated easily
• Mood swings

I’d also like to add, unreasonable.

And you can’t negotiate with them.

Philippa Perry writes this about the Terrible Twos, and how actually, it’s the terrific twos! I love this sentiment.

“…the “terrible twos”. How I hate that expression! This is a time when children are discovering their agency, their potency; they do need boundaries to keep them safe and their parents sane, but within those boundaries they need freedom to be themselves and experiment. It is the terrific twos. They need their feelings, which would seem unreasonable to any adult, to be validated. This usually means empathising with a tantrum because it is impossible to fly to the moon or some such. When we are doing a hundred things at once and have more than one child, it’s hard to honour all their needs for validation and autonomy and we may, while we admonish them for their experiments or frustration, somehow, without meaning to, give them the impression they are “terrible”.”

How I cope with the terrible twos / renamed TERRIFIC TWOS!

I got through it once, I can do it again.

Or so I keep telling myself…

I’ve searched the web high and low for ways to get through the terrible twos. Here they are.

1. Distraction techniques – I heard that by asking a child a question before they are about to blow, it distracts them enough to flick the switch back. A question like, is the sky pink? Or what colour is bluey? This is a really hard thing to remember to do in the moment when you’ve got a kid about to kick off and have too many things in your hands and half the coffee shop staring at you.
2. Cuddles – When Marfs is kicking off, or Ida actually, I say, Would you like a cuddle. Or, I think you need a cuddle. Because at the end of the day the melt down isn’t about the fact you can’t find big bad wolf on YouTube. It’s because they’re tired or hungry or overstimulated.
3. Read Philippa Perry “The Book You Wish Your Parent’s Read”. It’s a great insight into the mind of a little person, and how best to respond to them. Hear their feelings, help them define their feelings. She’s amazing. The audiobook is great if you can’t read without falling asleep.
4. Take a breath – Or five. Sometimes when I’m feeling stressed and my two year old is having a moment, or an hour, I have minute on the bottom step. (She’ll be safe in another room, of course!) And I’ll be safe on the step.
5. Let them have choice – I’ve found Marfs is more likely to get dressed if she’s picked it. Ida was the same too. And I love how artistic their outfits are when they dress themselves. This choice gives them the freedom to be themselves.
6. I forget people around me – Yep. It’s embarrassing when Marfs is having a melt down in the middle of Waitrose. But, I try to forget about the people who might be watching. It’s likely that 90% of the people looking are just thinking “I remember that,” or “Thank God that’s not my kid.”
7. I empathise and validate her feelings. This is a Philippa Perry learning. I say “I understand you want to [insert unreasonable request in the adult world], it’s hard being two.”

These are my seven ways I’m coping with the terrific twos. A time when she is learning who she is, and how she fits into the world.

And I really don’t want to silence here. I want to keep her safe, and set boundaries, but I want her to be 100%, unapologetically herself.

She’s really quite something. She sings and she dances at every opportunity. She is affectionate and kind. She’s great at sharing. She’s funny. She loves cuddles and hair and babies. She likes teddies and dollies. And muzzie and milk.